islesme:

Edward, to Bella: you’re the reason I have something to fight for. a family.

the Cullens, who put up with his emo ass for over a hundred years: damn, fuck us I guess

(Source: islesme, via twilightmemes)

Here’s a tip

xxwolfmeetstheskyxx:

Carry a fork with you. If someone tries to rob you, pull the fork out of your pocket and say “thank you, Lord for this meal I’m about to have” and charge at them with the fork

fairygodrobot:

anxiety brain: IM GOING TO DIE ALONE AND UNCARED FOR

the other side of my brain which is wearing a hawaiian shirt: [cracks another sparkling water] yeah probably

bisexualalicecullen:

hauntedharrow:

rosaliesgay:

gayvampiredad:

#neverforget the time that Bella wore a full length khaki skirt to meet Edward’s family and he basically lost it because he thought she looked so sexy

the mormon really jumps out in this paragraph

smeyer has a khaki fetish

veqasliqhts:

Me: screwing up my life and only surviving off of one meal a day with 4 hours of sleep:

(Source: veqasliqhts, via fueledby-fuentes)

dudethisissick:

stardustyles:

and yes but what a shame what a shame the poor groom’s bride is a 

Is this the kids bop version

@nicoline88

turing-tested:

metroph0bic:

turing-tested:

just learned that my “pupil” is a muscle and that means that fact about your eyes dialiting when you see someone you like actually means that you’re subconsciously and uncontrollablely flexing at your crushes whenever you’re seeing them

Kind of like a butthole!

thanks

thatmetticguy:

pdasuggestion:

isn’t it amazing!! six continents, seven billion people on the planet, and a whole lifetime of choices and outcomes and in this particular string of decisions, in this point in time, out of everyone i get to meet, i got lucky enough to know you

I like this one because it’s suppose to be mushy and cute but with a certain tone of voice I could very easily turn this entire sentence into a passive aggressive fuck off

(Source: wlwsupport, via hanayou343)

moami:

deseng:

moami:

if you find bones in the forest, sit a bit and listen. they are old and have some good stories to tell. maybe they’ll teach you a spell or two, or explain where the water on our planet came from.

if you find bones by the ocean, run. don’t look back. run, faster, faster. the sea may love you but there are nights where she knows neither mercy nor science, and the bones warn you only once.

boi if you find bones call the police i hate this website so much

this is a piece of creative writing, in case you couldn’t tell from the fact that real bones don’t usually go hey lil’ mama lemme whisper bony secrets in your ear or warn you of the incoming tides like a calcified weather frog.

grizzlyadventures:

positive-memes:

Truly amazing advice.

First date ideas: freeze their assets, kill one of their loved ones, poison their fucking dinner